


Spicer Squad

by HeylinLoser



Series: Sa Trilogy [1]
Category: Xiaolin Showdown (Cartoon)
Genre: Boi gets scary in this, But the Monks appear too don't worry, Heist fic, Jack Spicer's Evil Dream Team rides again, Jack gets his Season 1 groove back, Jack-Centric, Might have to change the rating cause of Hannibal, No beta we die like Jack Spicer's hopes and dreams, Post Season 4, Six of Crows eat your heart out, The sass levels are TOO DAMN HIGH, with a new addition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeylinLoser/pseuds/HeylinLoser
Summary: Someone has pulled off the impossible. Every Wu, magical weapon and world-ending threat is now in their hands.Jack would be impressed if that didn't include the Heylin Seed.To stop himself from becoming plant food, Jack must team up with old and new allies to steal it all back. But will it be his greatest act of evil, or his last?
Series: Sa Trilogy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140356
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Spicer Squad

**Author's Note:**

> Me, returning to the XS fandom after 5 years under a new penname? More likely than you think.  
> This is a Thing I’ve been planning and writing for a while now, based on some theories I’ve had but been too busy/lazy to write down. Spicer Squad is the first part of this trilogy of Things.  
> I don’t own Xiaolin Showdown, Chronicles or any of its characters. However, I do own all my OCs.

Jack Spicer ruled the world, and not in the way he expected. No world domination. No evil robot army destroying everything in its path. He didn’t need it in the end.

The people _loved_ him.

Crowds of the world’s citizens lined the streets as he paraded by in his superjet. He couldn’t decide where he was (New York? Hong Kong?) but a part of his mind told him; _stop. Relax. Look at the people._

And there they were, beaming up at their ruler, cheering his name over and over. His most dedicated fans fainted at his approach. From the masses flew flowers, candy, phone numbers…spare robot parts, for some reason. Ah, who cared? They were worshipping him!

Every Jackbot he’d ever made marched behind him in a long stream. Remembering how most of said Jackbots were destroyed now made him cringe. But it must have been worth it in the end.

The parade ended at the tallest, evillest looking throne he’d ever seen. Red, black, and silver, with a tall back and spikes. A handy staircase of world leaders, annoying teachers and every kid who stuck his head down the toilet in school led him to it.

He reclined on his throne. Slouch to the left. The right. Feet up on Chase Young’s back. Perfect! The people gathered before him, heads stretching back to the horizon. He waved.

“Let them through.”

Either he’d gotten Wuya’s powers or she’d seen how awesome he was and joined him. Four of her rock creatures approached his throne. Like when she took over the world (but with less style and worldwide adoration than him), the Xiaolin losers were caged within their bodies. None of them looked all too happy to see him, finally above them at last, sitting on top of the world.

When the rock creatures stopped and bowed before him, he stood. The crowd’s noise fell in a hush. Every gaze was reverent. What wisdom would he give?

A hell of a lot of it, that’s what.

“Citizens of the earth! You see before you the Xiaolin Losers, who for too long oppressed you with the idea of _rules_ and _good deeds_ and _not stealing from the Wu Vault dammit Jack_.”

Everyone booed and hissed at the monks, even Chase Young from under Jack’s feet. He raised a hand and the whole city fell silent again.

“But no more! Now, because of I, Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, Prince of Darkness and voted Most Likely to Get Arrested in middle school, they can oppress you no more!”

The crowd roared. They loved him. They _really_ loved him. He took a moment to bask in it (really just a chance to hold in some annoying tears), before raising his voice again.

“They will now spend the rest of their days picking up your garbage, cleaning your toilets, and making a lifetime supply of pudding cups!”

Pudding cups? That didn’t sound very evil. Why did he say that? The crowd cheered all the same. Heck, if they didn’t care, neither would he.

He waved to his rock monster army, “Take these losers away!”

“Wait!”

Kimiko, looking even prettier than usual, reached out between the bars towards Jack, her lips trembling. He paused mid-wave. He should say something cool, but all that came out was a squeaky:

“Yes?”

“I’ve realised the error of my ways. All these years I thought you were some nerdy tech geek with bad breath and delusions of grandeur…”

“Ok, really amping up my bad qualities here, but go on.”

“Now I see the smart, handsome hunk you were all along! I love you, Jack Spicer. Let me join you as your evil queen!”

“Kim, wait.” Raimundo, looking even worse than usual, reached to Kim. “I thought we were endgame!”

“Screw you, Rai! I’m into cool guys now!”

Jack stroked his chin in what he hoped was an intimidating but sexy manner. He needed to think about this. It could be a trap. But it was getting increasingly hard to think of an answer when Kimiko kept fluttering her eyelashes at him like that.

“Have you made your decision? Jack, Jack…”

***

“Jack!”

Nobody wanted to wake up to angry Kimiko an inch from their face. That feeling doubled when one was a member of the Heylin. Tripled in the case of Jack.

He screeched and tried to jump out of bed, but Kimiko kept him pinned. Wait. Why _was_ Kimiko an inch from his face?

Because the rest of the Xiaolin losers surrounded his bed. Had him taking over the world been a dream this whole time? Dammit!

Raimundo rubbed his eyes. “Alright Jack, I got up at five for this, where is it?”

Jack blinked. “Well you got up at five for me to tell you I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“The Seed, Jack!” Omi jumped on the bed and grabbed Jack by his pyjama collar, making him scream again. “The one thing in the whole universe Master Fung wanted us to protect!”

“The…” Jack searched through Omi’s words until he realised the most important were at the beginning.

 _The Seed._ Bad, French memories returned.

“Why would I want to let Gigi out? Hello, he double crossed me?”

“You called him Gigi?”

Omi’s confusion allowed Jack to push through him and Kimiko to get out of bed. Good thing he chose to wear pyjamas. Last thing he needed was the Monks making fun of his underwear again.

Clay crossed his arms. “You seem to have a funny habit of teaming up with backstabbers, Spicer.”

“Not when they’re flowers I don’t.” Jack pulled on his dressing gown. “I wish I could help you. Oh wait, I don’t, because you broke into my house. Again.”

He left the monks in his room. Damn it he didn’t have the time for this, or the energy. He needed at least six pudding cups to even think evil thoughts at this time of the morning. Gigi being anywhere but his box, however, sent different thoughts crawling up his spine.

“And you broke into the temple. Again.” Kimiko said as she and the monks followed Jack. 

He stomped downstairs, passing Jackbots cleaning and preparing for the day ahead. Maybe if they’d prepared him for the loser wakeup call, he’d still be in bed right now, deciding whether to make Kimiko his Evil Queen. The way she kept nagging him, the odds were not in her favour.

“I didn’t break in! I’m not _that_ obsessed with you.” Jack paused. “That didn’t come out right.”

“You’re the one with the Tunnel Armadillo,” Raimundo said. “The one that, wouldn’t you know it, tunnelled into the Heylin Seed vault!”

“Then took all our Shen Gong Wu!” Omi added, jumping into Jack’s face to say it.

“It has your slimy lil’ hands all over it.” Clay said.

“The only slimy hands I want to get on that flower is round its neck. Stem thing. Whatever. Now, unless you want to feel the full wrath of my security…”

A Jackbot with a feather duster flew in front of them. It realised everyone was staring at it and quickly flew away.

“I suggest you leave.”

Jack opened the door to his lab, turned on the lights and screamed.

“My Wu!”

The cupboard Jack kept his Wu in was replaced with a tunnel and the remains of said cupboard. Jack ran forward and sifted through the rubble, salvaging the Monkey Staff but nothing else. The monks stayed at the door, feet shifting.

“Oh.” Clay said. “Our, our bad, there.”

“We very much nailed up by blaming you,” Omi added.

“Screwed up, Omi.”

Jack couldn’t blame them for being awkward or sounding nervous or even Omi’s messed up slang. The usual explanation, a Wu raid by himself, was business as usual for the monks. Jack getting messed with too was like finding a shark bitten in half. Who was it? Katnappe? Wuya? Hannibal?

Two pings sounded. One from Kimiko’s phone, another from Jack’s watch. An update from the Villains Forum. Before Jack could question why Kimiko was lurking on the Villains Forum (and if she’d seen that embarrassing meme Vlad had put up of him last week), she went fire-red.

“Kim…” Raimundo tried putting a hand on her shoulder, hissed at the heat coming off it and snatched it away.

Jack looked down at his watch.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I spelt 'Shen Gong Wu' as 'Shen Gon Wu' LIKE A FOOL so that's fixed now!


End file.
